The holidays are a challenging time for all parents, and battling holiday stress
is vital so that your family - and you - can actually enjoy Christmas and make
the most of your family's time together and all the best traditions of the
holiday.
What most contributes to holiday stress? Here are just a few possible
stress-inducers:
Lack of control
Number one on our list is being out of control. This might be because your work
won't allow you to take the time off you need, someone in the family gets ill,
or other family members - usually outside your immediate family - want to be
"the boss".
Family gatherings
Lack of control often causes stress when you meet up with other members of your
family. Perhaps meal times are not appropriate for your children, sleeping
arrangements are difficult, or an in-law makes plans for their perfect Christmas
and you have to go along despite not enjoying the activities they have organize.
and let's face it, not all families - especially when there are lots of in-laws
involved - get on perfectly. Family gatherings can be a major source of stress
at Christmas.
Coping with loss If you have lost a member of your family, Christmas can be a particularly
hard and stressful time.
Busy stores
It is hard to enjoy Christmas shopping when the stores are packed, car parks are
full, and bus queues are huge! Then, when you have found the gifts you want to
buy, you have to wait in an extra-long line to pay for them!
Gift buying
Not everyone is a natural gift giver. Choosing the perfect present can be very
stressful, especially if your family tends to judge you on what you give.
Arguments
You won't be the only stressed member of your family, and Christmas is
unfortunately a time when lots of tempers get frayed.
Expense
Worrying about how you are going to pay for the presents, the food, the travel,
the babysitters - it's no wonder that the expense of Christmas adds huge stress
to many parents.
High expectations
We watch so many movies, television shows and adverts which sell a "glamorized"
version of Christmas, that our high expectations can often be dashed. As a
child, the run up to Christmas and Christmas itself was a magical time for us;
as an adult the season can often be more stressful than magical.
So, how do we cope? What can we do to keep holiday stress to a minimum, or
banish it altogether?
Make sure you aren't overcommitted
Don't feel you have to attend every holiday gathering that you are invited to,
especially if you know you (or your family) won't enjoy it. It is easy to turn
down invitations at Christmas ("we are already committed elsewhere" or "we are
spending time with close family" are obvious reasons) and a quieter Christmas is
often a less stressful Christmas. If you always fall out with Uncle John or
resent the arrangements which your neighbour forces upon you, bow out this year.
Factor in some "family time" and some "me time"
Try to remember and enjoy the spirit of the holidays. You should insist that the
family takes on their fair share of the chores so that you get some relaxing
time too. How many women struggle valiantly to get everything done at Christmas,
staying up until 2am to finish the chores while their partners and children
enjoy Christmas movies, early nights and good food? Make sure you have time to
take long walks and bubble baths if you so choose, to read a book, enjoy a cup
of tea, or whatever it takes to make you feel like you are on holiday too.
Start your own traditions
Carrying on traditions from your childhood can become a stress rather than a
joy, if they don't suit your family or the way you live. Start your own! If you
want to eat a small meal on Christmas day, or go to the beach, or open presents
in the morning rather than the evening, it's your choice. Our favourite
traditions include hot chocolate and a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve, a new
jigsaw out on the table for everyone to have a go at during the holidays, and
one present saved to the end of the day (parent's choice) so that the excitement
stays with the kids until bedtime. They're simple, but they work for us.
If you find that the routine you normally follow - just for tradition's sake - is weighing
you down and resulting in more stress than you can deal with, break away from
it!
Entertain if you want to, but do it your way
Friends and family will appreciate the occasion much more if you are relaxed and
happy when you are entertaining, so this is not a time to set out to "impress".
Ask guests to bring a contribution if that will help (although sometimes trying
to tie together a diverse collection of dishes can be stressful in itself!) Keep
food simple and prepare as much in advance as possible. But some of it in (you
can get wonderful canapés from supermarkets now) if you can afford it. Dress
casually, pass round informal snacks, and enjoy the company.
Gift giving can be easy, too
Don't worry too much about finding the perfect gift. A small, well-chosen book
or game, or perhaps a magazine subscription, will be appreciated by everyone.
Teenagers appreciate money and vouchers as much as anything else, and often more
so! Parents will have a good idea what their children will want, so ask them.
Don't agonise over gifts, or go to the ends of the earth to track down original
gifts.
Do you need to wrap?
Wrapping gifts can be very stressful. You need so many supplies, and it takes a
lot of time to do a good job - usually much more than you allocate! Why not
invest in some gift bags this year, or make (well in advance) a set of fabric
bags which you can use over and over again for your family? Or give vouchers in
a pretty envelope rather than gifts - this is an excellent idea if you are
travelling for the holidays and don't want your luggage to weigh too much!
Shop online
More and more people are shopping online, and when you experience a High Street
just before Christmas it is easy to see why! There is nothing quite so
satisfying as having the post man do all the hard work - all you have to do is
answer the door!
Keep a notebook
If you write down what you do well and what you do wrong, you can refer to it
every year and battle your holiday stress little by little. Remember, that a lot
of the stress you suffer you inflict on yourself.
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