Children, like teens, like to feel personal power. Power is mostly the
ability to influence some aspects of our lives by the choices we make.
Giving a child a choice is the most powerful way to build personal power
and self-esteem for your child’s lifetime. Children exert their personal
power when they refuse to go to bed, or decide not to take a bath, or
have temper tantrums. To help your child use their power in a positive
way and to strengthen your child’s sense of competence, give them the
power to make positive personal behavior choices.
A choice for any of us means that we are using free will, exercised by
our own mind and judgment. A choice communicates to your child that you
trust him to learn and grow from his experience with choices, actions
and mistakes. Your child will feel more powerful and use their power in
a positive way because choices:
· Are a good way to defuse potential power struggles.
· Help a child take responsibility for their actions.
· Let your child know they have power.
· Provides a way for children to use their power.
· Helps a child to manage their own behavior.
Choices and Consequences
When you provide your child with a choice for their behavior, you are
also letting them know that there will be consequences if the choice is
unwise. When a child has no power to make an independent, thoughtful
decision that carries specific consequences, your child feels they have
no control over their environment and lives. Telling your child that
they can make a decision, a choice, is also telling them that they must
learn to live with the results of their own actions.
When you use choices and consequences, first state the options children
have and then the consequences of each of these choices. For example:
· Tom, I really expect you to quietly eat your dinner at the table. If
you continue to act silly, you will have to leave the table. It’s your
choice.
· Jane, you can take your bath now and watch TV after bathing. If you
don’t take your bath now, there won’t be time to watch your favorite TV
program. It’s your decision.
· Children, you can both play together enjoyably and share your toys, or
both of you will have to take a quiet time-out. You both decide about
that.
When you use choices and consequences remember to never give ultimatums
as choices. For example: “I won’t love you if you don’t eat your
dinner.” Ultimatums are usually not carried out and soon your child will
believe that what you say is truly hot air!
Also never give choices where there aren’t any. For example: “Jim, would
you like to put on your coat now? We have to go.” If your child says,
“no,” but he really has to get his on coat anyway because it’s freezing
outside, he never really had a choice in the first place.
Most importantly, never use threats as choices. For example: “If you
don’t leave your sister alone, I am going to break your neck.” Clearly,
a parent should not carry through on such a threat.
Start by giving your child choices from birth. You can ask your child
which they would like to do when it comes to:
Dressing: “Honey, which skirt would you like to wear today?”
Eating: “Jane, would you like to eat your meal on the red dish or the
white dish?”
Play Time: “Do you want to play outside now, or would you rather play
games indoors?”
Bath Time: “Amy, do you want to take your bath now, or a little later?"
Anytime you offer a choice to do something, you empower your child to
think that he actually can choose for himself what he believes is best
for his life. This creates a sense of independence, which enables
children to feel more self-sufficient, less hostile toward their
parents. A very wise parent watches over the drama of growth, but
resists the impulse to intervene too often. Parents, out of respect and
concern, should allow their child to make his own choices and to use his
own powers. After allowing your child to make a decision and a choice
for his life, you are letting your child know that you have faith in his
ability to make the right decision.
Effectively communicate to your child that you believe whatever choice
he makes will be a beneficial one to him. If the choice turns out to be
a disaster, your child will reap the consequences and realize a mistake
has been made. This is the only way – choices and consequences – for
your child to truly understand that the power he posses can be either
rewarding or disappointing. This is also an obvious way of revealing to
your child that letting the consequences of his actions provide the
lessons of life, which is experiencing personal responsibility. Give
your child the opportunity to make mistakes and to live with the
results. This teaches your child that not only will their actions have
consequences, but also their world will not crumple as a result of their
poor decision-making or unfortunate decision.
* * *
About the author
Linda Milo, aka The Parent-Child Connection Coach, has a simple
philosophy: “Raising healthy children takes more than the right
expectations, or knowing appropriate ways of disciplining or rewarding
your child. Parenting children is also a deeply emotional experience
that requires you, the parent, to maintain an awareness of your own
needs”.
For a FREE consultation on parenting skills and facing daily parenting
challenges with less stress, go to:
http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com or e-mail Linda at: linda
@ empoweringparentsnow.com.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Milo
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