Editor's note: All parents will remember how difficult it was to leave their
children when they were young, and some of us had to deal with unhappy children
suffering from separation anxiety, again and again and again! Veronica shares
some tips on how to make the partings easier.
By Veronica Scott
The sound of your child wailing and clinging desperately to you as you try and
escape to the door is enough to make any parent want to run back to them, sweep
them up and promise to never leave them again. But the reality is that sometimes
moms and dads have to leave their little ones behind either for work, a doctor's
appointment, or maybe just to have a quiet moment alone. Separation anxiety is
one of the most heart-wrenching problems to deal with when it comes to children.
But it is a problem that has to be dealt with since you can't possibly be with
your child every moment of every day.
Here are some ways to help you and your child deal with separation anxiety.
• Make sure they are familiar and comfortable with their surroundings and the
people you are leaving them with. If it is a new daycare, visit the center a few
times with your child to allow them to get to familiar with their new
surroundings, teachers and children there.
• If possible, allow the child to bring along a favorite stuffed animal or
blanket. Sometimes having these items there gives them a sense of security.
• Arrange play dates with some of the children at the childcare center ahead of
time so your child can form some relationships.
• Prepare your child ahead of time for the separation by letting them know where
they will be going. You can describe some of the fun things they will be doing
at school and it is a good idea to let them know what you will be doing while
you are away from them. This lets them know you aren't leaving them because you
don't want to be with them but because you have things you have to do.
• Make sure your child has breakfast and a good night's sleep. Children are
easier to deal with when they are rested and have a full belly.
• Let your child know that you will be back. Try and tell them in an amount of
time they will understand such as after lunch, naptime or playtime outside.
• Once you are at the daycare center, don't linger. Look your child in the eye,
tell them goodbye, hugs and kisses and leave. And even if you hear screaming, do
not come back. This sends the wrong message to your child that if they scream
loud enough mommy will return.
• Don't sneak out on them. This might sound like an easy out at the time but
this usually causes distrust and more distress for the child when they realize
you are gone.
• It often helps if the childcare provider takes your child away from you after
you've said goodbye and tries to engage them with a toy or a fun activity.
• Never scold your child for being scared or upset, just quickly comfort them
and reassure them you will be back.
Is it Really Gone?
Once your child gets into the routine and is no longer screaming and crying when
you leave, it is important to praise them for being such a "big girl" or "big
boy". Remember even when you think you may be home free and the separation
anxiety is gone, it can come back just as quickly as it left. The important
thing to remember is that most children only cry for a few minutes after their
parents have left. If it makes you feel better you can even call the daycare
center later to check on your child to see how they are doing. Separating from
your child can be heartbreaking at first but it helps them build independence,
social maturity and form relationships.
Parenting - Making A Schedule This article on the benefits of scheduling your day as a parent
really struck home with me. It took me a while to work this out for
myself when I had young children at home, and I wish I had done so - and
benefited from the much calmer household that was the result - sooner!
The Uneducated Palate
When did you learn to really enjoy food? How about experiencing taste
and textures? I think children develop a taste for food a lot sooner
than we think.
Ways of Dealing With
Separation Anxiety
All parents will remember how difficult it was to leave their children
when they were young, and some of us had to deal with unhappy children
suffering from separation anxiety, again and again and again! Veronica
shares some tips on how to make the partings easier.
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