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Diary Of A New Mum - Week 1

What Have We Done?

This has been the longest – and the shortest – week of my life. It’s funny – people tell you how hard it is, coming home with a new baby for the first time. They say that lack of sleep is a killer, and that your whole world will be turned upside-down. But nothing – nothing – can prepare you for those first few days.

Of course, it’s not like this for everyone. People who have loads of family around, siblings with kids of their own, friends and neighbors to muck in, probably fare a lot better. But for us, well – it was just us. Hubby, me and Baby. Knackered Hubby, exhausted me, and screaming Baby.

Jessica-Ann was born on Sunday morning and we were all back home by Monday afternoon. This was a bit of a shock – I’d expected to be kept in hospital for a few days, with this being my first baby and all. I’d expected to have been allowed a night’s sleep at the very least! I hadn’t slept properly for weeks at the end of the pregnancy, getting up in the night to go to the bathroom, you know how it is. I hadn’t slept at all for the two nights before Jess’s birth. And I didn’t sleep the night after either – in a ward with three other moms and babies there is always someone crying (not necessarily the babies).

Still, it’s not like sleep is essential to your physical and mental well-being. Oh, it is! That must be why I’m so messed-up right now, having been awake for approximately nine days!

I’m afraid I’ve given up on breast-feeding. Go on – shoot me. I’m a terrible mother, my baby is destined for a life of sickness and obesity and I’ve failed, failed, failed. I tried, I really did, but there was nothing there. And I just couldn’t bear to listen to Jess screaming for food while I waited for my ‘milk to come in’. Perhaps it’s a bit of a design flaw. Lord knows, we’d planned to breast-feed, and as such didn’t have a bottle, teat or scrap of Formula in the house. Cue yet another emergency trip to the supermarket. (Our food bill has gone through the roof and it’s only the first week of the month.)

Jess took to the bottle like she’d been stranded in the desert for a year. She was happy, Paul was happy, and I feel like a failure. But, then again – I was bottle-fed, and most of my friends were bottle-fed. And we’re all fine. Of course, it is fantastic to breast-feed if you can, and you do give your baby extra immunity. The World Health Organization recommends it, so don’t listen to me. All I’m saying is, don’t beat yourself up like I did if you can’t breast-feed. It’s not the end of the world.

Unlike lack of sleep. That is the end of the world. Paul and I took turns to bunk-down on the sofa with Jess in her Moses-basket overnight, just so the other could have a few hours shut-eye. But that didn’t last long – it’s far too disorientating. My advice – stay in your own bed and, if you’re not on duty, use ear-plugs. It’s the only way to survive.

Diary of A New Mum - Week 2

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