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Diary Of A New Mum -
Week 16

Messing Up The Routine

Paul was off work on Tuesday (or ‘working from home’ as he calls it) so we decided to take Jessica-Ann to the park and have a picnic lunch there. The sun was shining, our bags were packed with tasty sandwiches, healthy fruit, and not-so-healthy bottles of beer, Jess’s bag was packed with nappies and milk and a toy just-in-case. What could possibly go wrong? 

My logic went like this: Jess is in such a definite routine now that if we take her out of it for a day it won’t make any difference at all. Surely, used as she is to sleeping at set times in the day, she’ll simply sleep in her pram if we happen to be out and about rather than in the house. Sound logical? I thought so. 

Jessica-Ann had other ideas. The baby who had slept soundly between the hours of twelve and two for weeks now (in her cot, of course) suddenly decided she didn’t want to sleep at all, and proceeded to stare at us both coldly from the snug confines of her pram. 

We passed the picnic table where we’d planned on stopping, thinking the continuous motion of walking might send her off – it usually does. No. We passed the comfy-looking bench by the lake where I’d imagined throwing my crusts to the ducks. Surely Jess would drop off soon? No. After half an hour of this I was starving hungry and starting to despair!  

We gave up and ate our lunch hurriedly on a grotty bench by the roadside. Then it was back home again, with the plan of spiriting Jess up to her cot without her noticing. I knew, of course, that it was too late now – the whole rest of her day’s routine was ruined. She would be too tired to feed properly at half two, then would nap too long at four and be too awake to go down properly at seven. And it was all my fault – as her mother I had no right being so selfish as to want to go out for a nice picnic with my husband. 

Poor Paul. He must have been completely mystified. Why was his usually rational wife so worried because his (perfectly happy) baby wasn’t asleep? Didn’t babies just sleep when they were tired? I’m sure he was asking himself this but he had the decency not to voice it to me. 

I know the routine is restrictive. I’m not living on another planet. I wish I could just relax and go with the flow like all the other mums I know. But – I can’t. My gut feeling keeps on telling me that Jess is happy and better off in her routine. If the only reason to change it is because it’s inconvenient for me, well, that seems like too selfish a reason, to be honest. We chose to have a baby, she didn’t ask to be born. I have no right dragging her all over the place so that my life isn’t affected. I have to do what’s best for her. Even if the rest of the world thinks I’m completely mad…

Diary of A New Mum - Week 17

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