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Diary Of A New Mum -
Week 23

A Day Off

A few weeks ago Paul was really ill and took to his bed for the day. I remember thinking how lucky he was, that I would never be able to take a day off – no matter how sick I might be. This week I was proved wrong. Not only did I have a day off but I stayed in bed until 3.00pm! How, you ask? Because I have wonderful husband, I guess.

I all started to go wrong on Monday. I think I was coming down with a bug or something; my neck felt stiff and my throat was sore. I carried on as normal. By Tuesday I was feeling even worse; headache, temperature, puffy eyes. But even though Paracetemol eased the pain, what started to get me down was how I felt about looking after Jessica-Ann. Where usually I awake with a spring in my step, eager to start the day, I began to feel weary of it, unable to summon the energy.

It was like the early days all over again. I felt like I was merely going through the motions. My smiles were just a little forced, my laughter sounded false to my ears. Going up the stairs to her nursery was an effort, and I found myself hoping she’d sleep just a little longer so I didn’t have to go up just yet…

By the time Paul came home from work I was in full-blown panic mode. I was a terrible mother. I didn’t have the right personality to look after a baby. It was all getting too much for me. What if I didn’t enjoy it anymore? Was it time to look for a nursery? (I said I was in a state!) Paul took one look at me and announced that he was staying home the following day – and that I was staying in bed.

I did protest, but not very hard. To be honest, I was shattered. You know the kind of tiredness that seems to go through to your bones, so even when you’ve slept really well it doesn’t quite touch it? That night when we went to bed, Paul took the alarm and told me to put my ear-plugs in. I slept like a baby! (A very good, very quiet, sleeping-through-the-night-baby.) The next morning he got Jess up, brought me breakfast in bed, and lunch in bed, and wouldn’t let me come down until after Jess’s lunchtime nap.

It was total bliss! Sitting in bed I could hear Jess playing downstairs but for once she was totally somebody else’s responsibility. Does this make me a bad mother? I don’t think so. I think it makes me an honest mother. Taking a day out of the routine recharged my batteries in a way no amount of chocolate ever could. I read a book, listened to the radio, slept and slept some more. When I finally surfaced at three o’clock I was so pleased to see Jess I kissed her non-stop for five minutes – much to her disgust. But I think she’d missed me too, and I think it did us both good.

Paul, I’m happy to say, loved it. A real chance for him to be in charge again and to bond with his daughter. So this week, we’re all happy. Long may it last…

Diary Of A New Mum - Week 24
Tedious teething
In which Jessica-Ann starts teething - and I realize that I still have a lot to learn.

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