Bouncing Back from Mom Burnout: Going Back to
Basics to Recharge
By Amy Tiemann
Every mom needs to learn how to deal with the challenge of feeling
stressed-out and overwhelmed at times. Life, work, kids, and our other
relationships can add up to create a great deal of pressure, leading us
to feel like something has to give.
No matter how conscientious we are about taking care
of ourselves, it is part of the nature of the role of a mother to
get burned out from time to time. The key is developing techniques and
skills for bouncing back from these challenging periods.
I have developed seven steps for getting my mojo back
when I am burned out. I start by going back to the basics of
self-nurturing and then I add elements of self-care one by one. I owe a
debt to psychologist Abraham Maslow’s “hierarchy of needs” for
influencing the framework underlying these ideas.
1. Fill your own cup. When you are burned out, it’s time to go back to
basics. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating well? If you are feeling
ill, do you promptly make an appointment to see the doctor? This may
sound so basic that it doesn’t need to be said, but how many times do we
as mothers take care of everyone except ourselves? I know that sometimes
after I’ve fed everyone else breakfast and gotten them out of the door
in the morning, I truly forget that I have not actually eaten breakfast
myself.
It is worth making our basic needs a conscious and well-tended priority.
Sleep in particular is something that is tempting to cut short as we
juggle our daily demands, but long-term sleep deprivation can lead to
serious burnout. Sleep experts tell us that our entire nation is
dangerously sleep deprived and there is not doubt that mothers are at
high risk. “Sleep debt” does not spontaneously get better on its own.
The only way to recover is to “pay it off” by sleeping more.
2. Value your free time. If you are in an intense
phase of motherhood that leaves you little time to pursue your own
interests, you can use this as an opportunity to bring your desires into
focus. Before you have a chance to act, observe where you are pulled.
What would you do if you did have free time? Frustration can be used as
“creative tension” and for me, one of the great lessons of motherhood is
that it taught me to truly value my free time and spend it wisely.
3. As your mojo comes back, experiment and explore. Your energy might
start flowing in new directions that don’t end up being your final path,
and may even flow in ways that aren’t productive at first. That’s okay.
You can direct that energy in a more focused way later on. I enjoyed
having the luxury to develop my new interests under the radar as a
stay-at-home mom. I was able to start writing my book without having the
pressure of outside deadlines or expectations.
4. As you experiment, take a small step in one new
direction as you explore a new path or adjust an old one. This could
include career research and planning, or creative endeavors. We give our
kids many opportunities to try out new things, but how often to we give
ourselves permission to take that leap of faith--to find a new interest,
or even to learn that we aren’t good at it and that’s okay?
5. Free your mindspace, play, and have fun as much as possible, both
with your kids and on your own. In all of our discussions about
parenting, I think that fun is the element that is left out much too
often. It is a gift to rediscover the joys of kids’ play. Parenting is
humbling and it’s okay to learn not to take ourselves too seriously.
6. Enlist family teamwork. Make the invisible housework visible, and
then divide fairly. As they say, “You don’t get what you deserve, you
get what you negotiate.” I know that sometimes it feels easier and
quicker to just do housework ourselves in the short run, but over the
long term this will lead to resentment and burnout. It is worth the
effort to teach all family members to be involved in household tasks.
Being a mom is signing up for a life of service but should not mean that
we become our family’s servant.
7. The world needs your leadership. Find a cause you believe in and get
involved in whatever way you can at this stage of your life. Even if you
just make a small donation now to a cause you support, doing so will
help you stay connected to work you care about. Mothers can be a
powerful force for good if we all do what we can.
The gifts and challenges of motherhood form a complex weave. Along the
way you’ll need to slay the dragons of stereotyping, inauthenticity,
dealing with the gap between expectation and reality, feeling your
emotions, staying centered, and dealing with stress. You’ll need to
develop your own approaches to slaying these dragons...or making friends
with them.
About Amy Tiemann: Before becoming a mom, Amy Tiemann earned her Ph.D.
in Neurosciences from Stanford University. Today, her work helps women
regain their "mojo" when entering motherhood. Often times, women lose
themselves when baby is born. Getting in touch with your true 'self'
while raising your baby is not only possible, it's being done in "Mojo
Mom Circles" around the country. See why women are joining the
revolution and downloading their own "Mojo Mom Party Kits"
http://www.MojoMom.com. Contact Amy
at Amy@mojomom.com
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