If you have children, you know how hard it can be to get them to do the
things they should, and how frustrating. When the kids are distracted by after
school activities, the games console, texts from friends, television and
computers, convincing your kids to take care of their household chores and other
responsibilities can be a real challenge.
What is the best way to motivate them to do what needs to be done? Well, it
depends very much on the child. What works in one family may not work in yours.
And what works with one child may not work with another. We have a few
suggestions below for you to pick and choose from.
1. First, and most importantly, remember that, as parents, it's easy to fall
into the trap of wanting to be a friend to your child. Your goal, however, is to
be their leader, teacher, and motivator - not their friend. That's what their
friends are for!
2. Everyone love praise. Your kids love praise, too, and they also want your
attention. If they know that doing the things they're supposed to do will get
noticed and bring them praise, they're much more likely to do those things.
Catch them doing good, and you are reinforcing good behaviour.
3. Offer rewards. Some children are motivated by rewards. The rewards don't have
to be large or involve money. You can reward your children by:
Spending time with them doing an activity they enjoy
Reading to them
Playing games with them
Curling up and watching a movie together
Letting them choose desert or the type of homemade treat you will cook
together.
At its best, the "reward" concept can introduce your child to the very
important concept of consequences. Some examples:
You help to tidy up the toys, and then we'll bake a cake.
You get into the bath without a fuss, and then we'll have
time for two stories tonight instead of one.
You get your homework done promptly tonight and concentrate well,
and not only will your teacher will be pleased with you, but we'll
have time for a game of cards before supper.
At its worst, the "reward" turns into a bribe.
If you'll sit quietly and watch the television while I get some work
done, I'll buy you that new video game you said you wanted.
Work hard and I'll give you £10 for every A you get on your report this
term.
If you can stay clear of "bribery", rewards can be positive motivators for
your children. Everyone, adults included, finds it easier to get through the
chores if they have something to look forward to.
4. Lead by example. If your kids see you doing nothing all day long, they'll
feel as if it's okay for them to do the same thing! Remember that your children
are like a sponge and they look up to you and want to emulate you.
Let children know that, sometimes, everyone has to do things that they don't
particularly want to do. Point out, for example, that you might not enjoy
cooking supper every night of the week - but that you do it anyway, make the
best of it, and reward yourself with a meal out or a delivery every once in a
while! Show your kids that regular tasks can be rewarding, and that sometimes
you just have to buckle down and do something.
5. Bad consequences. The flipside to point 3, rewards, is bad consequences.
Every child has to learn that, if they don't do what they are expected to do,
there will be a consequence that they won't necessarily like. Remember, there's
a big difference between consequences and punishment. When your children don't
do the things they're supposed to do, you are aiming to teach them how their
actions or inactions can have a negative impact on their lives and the lives of
others. Some examples:
I asked you to help tidy the toys, so that we could bake a cake. Sadly,
you didn't help me. That means there will be no cake for tea today.
You've been fidgeting and singing and being silly all afternoon and now
you've taken so long to do your homework that we don't have time to play a
game. And you haven't finished the exercise, either, so your teacher will be
disappointed with you tomorrow.
You know you are expected to make your bed every morning and help your
brother empty the dishwasher. As you haven't been doing so, I am going to
take your video game away for a week. When you start doing your chores
properly again, you can have it back.
6. Show love. Your children need and want your love and devotion. Get
involved in their lives. If your child is really interested in something, do it
with them! Showing children that you appreciate them and respect their choices
will build a deeper bond between you. When you ask them to get something done,
they'll be more likely to do it.
Finally, remember that motivating your children isn't always going to be easy.
It takes dedication and consistency to provide the example and direction needed
for your child to learn the right lessons. And while it may often seem easier to
throw in the towel and just do things yourself, standing steadfast and finding
new ways to motivate your kids is much more likely to help them become
productive, responsible adults.
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