Raise Awesome Kids! This 4-point Plan Gets Results
by Granny Jean
Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read no further.
If not, please listen to Colby and his mom.
“All my friends cheat,” announced 11-year-old Colby.
“What?” exclaimed his mother? “You don’t cheat do you?”
“Sometimes,” answered Colby. “But I never get caught.”
“It’s not all right to cheat, young man,” scolded his mother. “How many
times have I told you cheating is wrong? What is the matter with you?”
Whether it’s lying, stealing, cheating or some other problem behaviour,
do you find yourself giving lectures on being honest while your child
rolls his eyes?
I remember counselling one father who loved his daughter so much that he
would give her two-hour lectures. She not only rolled her eyes, but
tapped her fingers too. He would yell, “Are you listening to me?”
“Uh-huh,” she’d answer.
Parents, there is an easier way. It doesn’t have to take two hours
either. Consider using the 4-POINT PLAN:
Probe
Listen
Appreciate
No Criticizing
Instead of worrying, whining, or wearing yourself out with lengthy
lectures, make your goal one of understanding what and how your child
thinks. By knowing what your child thinks, you can better influence how
he or she thinks. This simple PLAN will help you communicate more
effectively.
Let’s go back to Colby. Instead of lecturing –
PROBE
Ask non-judgemental questions. Get as much information as you can in
order to understand how and what your child thinks. Guide your child
with questions like:
How do you feel when a cheater gets better grades than you get?
How do you think honest kids feel about cheaters?
How much would your class learn if everyone cheated?
What advice would you give to cheaters?
Depending on your child’s answers keep probing with thoughtful questions
of your own.
LISTEN
Listen with respect. Avoid interrupting with your own advice. If you
interrupt, your child may shut down and only tell you what you want to
hear. Then you’ll be stuck where you started-not knowing what or how
your child really thinks.
APPRECIATE
Look for thoughts from your child that you can truly praise. Smile,
agree, and let your child know what you liked about his or her thoughts.
Hopefully, your child will have already changed some old thoughts about
cheating, like “It’s okay to cheat if I don’t get caught.”
NO CRITICIZING
Why not criticize and lecture? Because you need to reflect on what your
child said. You need to consider new ways to influence your child’s
thinking toward a stronger healthier character. You need to create a
thoughtful plan of your own for your child’s further improvement.
If you follow this 4-Point PLAN you will be giving your child the three
priceless gifts that all human beings want:
To be heard
To be understood
To be appreciated
These gifts will bond your child with you and influence his or her
character too.
This 4-POINT PLAN is a powerful tool for discussing problems in movies
and on TV. You can also use it to discuss real life difficulties at
school, in the neighbourhood, within your family, and, especially, in
stories with dilemmas. The next time you have something important to
discuss don’t lecture. Next time Probe, Listen, Appreciate, and No
criticizing. Try it. You’ll like it. Why? Because this 4-POINT PLAN will
get you the results you want, an awesome kid with an awesome character.
Visit Books and
Products for
Character
Building on BackTalk Street. It uses the 4-Point Plan. Granny Jean
also designed 20
Character
Building Charts for kids based on the characters in the book,
complete with an Article, a Bonding Activities List, and Incentive
Stickers. Directions for parents are included. Add them both to your
shopping cart.
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