Social Skills and Problem Solving: A Coaching Method for Guiding Your
Kids to Solve Problems Wisely
By Ellen Mossman-Glazer
When you want your kids to make better decisions, and
especially teens and tweens, they are not going to change until they see
that what they are currently doing is not helping them. To help them
refashion their vision, you can be the catalyst without being the bad
guy.
Use the questions that follow to help your kids grapple with issues
important to their lives-getting along with friends, getting homework
done or making smart choices in the face of peer pressure. Kids have a
lot of wisdom we don’t always see. By posing questions, you guide them
to manage their lives without telling them what to do.
Start as young and early as you feel your children are able to handle
the thinking process behind these questions. You can adjust language and
details for age and developmental stage.
First, Some Dos and Don’ts:
Do not choose topics for these questions that may require you to over
rule the decision your child comes up with.
Do: Stay in the present. Your kids know the history very well and
getting into past behaviors will just turn them off. You want the focus
to stay on growth and future behaviors.
Do not be pushy about getting to the answers–just let them live for a
while with the question.
Do: Stay neutral. No judgments. No opinion. No lectures. And no rubbing
it in later if they falter. Give them space, time to practice, and to
learn what to do with success and failure.
Do not overload. Just one question can be a big bite for your child to
chew on for a while.
Do: Introduce the questions gently. You know your child and how much and
how receptive he or she is likely to be with your new strategy.
Presentation can mean everything here!
Problem Solving Coaching Questions
1. Can you accept the results or consequences of the behavior you are
choosing now?
2. Are you thinking short term or long term? Which do you think is the
best way to go with this?
3. Can you accept responsibility for whatever happens as a result of
your choices?
4. Do you see that behavior is a choice?
5. What do you want one year from now? What do you want one month from
now?
6. Is it reasonable to believe what you are currently doing will get you
the best thing in the long run?
7. What are you doing now that’s not working?
8. What would you like to do differently in the future?
9. Is what you are doing right now helping you with what you really
really want for yourself?
10. What makes you feel proud of yourself?
Now parents, step aside and let your children and these questions take
their course. If your kids are receptive to giving you feedback that is
great. But you may not need to hear any words; the resulting behavior
change will speak to you.
Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral
Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism,
ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education
classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that
children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works
in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone,
teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers
and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and
tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion
Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The
Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at
http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment
which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ellen_Mossman-Glazer
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Here's how we solved the problem in our family...
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