“I’M OVERWHELMED” - 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their
Lives
By Linda Milo
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more
relaxed and empowered raising your child? Working parents, stay-at-home
parents, visiting parents – it doesn’t matter which one you are because
these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed by their daily day.
Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and despondency because
they feel as if they are losing control of their natural balance. The
natural balance that once allowed them to walk, talk and chew gum slowly
- all at one time! Now you are running to work, picking up children,
grocery shopping, doing laundry, paying bills, taking your child to some
lesson, etc. Those days when you had control over your life, can be
re-lived again by knowing how to create a structured life that
incorporates extra time, a swing to your step and the ability to believe
that you can accomplish what needs to be done, in addition to being a
fun and caring parent. Below are five tips that can start you on the
path of feeling a positive glow about yourself.
1. Create Routines
Routines are established by parents to manage their own behavior - and
the behavior of their child. A routine actually nurtures the positive
overall growth of your child. A routine helps to create consistency, and
consistency allows you and your child to feel secure. Create a “routine
calendar.” Get a large sheet of paper and write down what needs to be
done daily (hour by hour). A time slot for each activity, whether it be
work or play. This routine calendar is a plan for each hour of the day.
For example: 6:30 AM – wake up, shower, dress; 7:15 AM – wake children,
help them dress; 7:45 AM – start breakfast and have your child make sack
lunches, etc. (Do not forget to put down chores for each child in this
calendar). Two personality traits that develop from a routine are
positive thoughts and feelings children have about themselves. Routine
doesn’t allow for frenzy and uncertainty. Routine says I know what is
being done and when it is being done. Most importantly, stick to the
routine each and every day. Watch your life become more manageable.
2. Nurturing
A part of every single day should be devoted to nurturing your
relationship with your child. Whether the specific time for concentrated
nurturing is in the day or night doesn’t matter…what does matter is that
you spend at least one-half an hour a day doing something with your
child. Choose an activity (massages, games, toys, exercises, dancing,
joking, being silly) that nurtures you and your child’s spirit. These
daily nurturing sessions will stimulate the growth of your child and
allow you to become child-like once again yourself. You can feel very
refreshed by having an unstructured playtime with your child. Your
feelings of being overwhelmed throughout the day should just melt. The
quality of your child’s emotional growth is largely a part of their
reflection of their relationship with you. Seeing you smile, having a
light cheerful voice creates an exceptional fun and healthy bonding for
both of you.
3. Create Limits
Feeling hopeful and empowered with your child starts with you defining
the “limits” of what you think is acceptable behavior. Set limits on
acts, but not on your child’s spirit. When your four year old decides to
run ahead of you in the shopping mall, take the time to talk with your
child about your rules and limits when out shopping. Make these limits
well known to your child. Create a substitute limit, i.e., tell your
child he/she can run ahead of you in the house only. The defining of
“limits” is necessary not only for your peace of mind, but also for your
child’s development in knowing when and what is acceptable behavior. If
you have decided that no ice cream is permissible before dinner, stick
to that limit or rule. The truth is – if you allow your child
“just-this-one-time-only”, you are really giving permission for this
scenario to take place time and time again. Then you become angry and
overwhelmed. No need to loose control, just create a limit of each act
that pushes you to feel anxious and un-balanced. Remember to create
limits that are age appropriate. This is known as “wise-parenting
management.”
4. Create Time
Sometimes less is more. Start by doing less each day. Parents are
generally creating the overwhelming feelings they experience because of
trying to fill their day with too many activities. Children honestly
benefit from “down time”. When you are going in too many directions at
once, you are creating stress and strain. Everyone feels it. Look at
your routine calendar and see what activities can be eliminated or
reduced. Sure dance lessons, soccer practice, piano lessons, etc. are
important – but not as important as finding nurturing activities that
are done at home and done in the name of sanity. To feel less
overwhelmed, spend some time in paring-down what activities are
welcoming and credible to your family members and what activities are
actually causing frustration and stress (like when you hear yourself
saying, “hurry up, hurry up.”) Make the cut and you will create a more
relaxing and manageable family life.
5. Create Your Own Personal Time
This is a time for you to remind yourself that you do have control of
your life and you do need to take care of yourself. There are many
examples of healthy personal time which makes your heart happy (and
making your heart happy is very, very important for your entire
well-being): time spent apart from your child (call the babysitter),
time spent in a warm bubbly bath (wait until your child is asleep), time
spent on a date with your special other (again call the sitter), time
spent doing an activity that makes you feel good (drawing, gardening,
knitting, golfing), time spent going out with friends for dinner, time
spent exercising, time spent just getting quiet and welcoming the peace.
Being good to yourself is the most important thing you can do in life –
it benefits you, your child, your mate and your work life. It is amazing
that what you do for yourself is a characteristic trait that your child
will learn to admire, learn from and respect.
By incorporating at least some of the above-suggested tips daily, you
will truly experience a positive change in yourself and in raising your
child. Your life will be more in control, more livable, more enjoyable
and more relaxing. Keep up the good work you are doing and don’t forget
to spend some quality time on yourself.
Linda Milo, aka The Parent-Child Connection Coach, has a simple
philosophy: “Raising healthy children takes more than the right
expectations, or knowing appropriate ways of disciplining or rewarding
your child. Parenting children is also a deeply emotional experience
that requires you, the parent, to maintain an awareness of your own
needs”.
Dressing Girls For School
I have spoken to so many parents who tell me it is a monumental task to get
their younger daughters ready for school in the morning. Unless your daughter
has only one set of clothes to wear, she probably wants to change her outfit
three times before choosing the one she will "agree" to wear to school each day.
Here's how we solved the problem in our family...
3 Easy Ways To Make An Awesome Playroom
Are you irritated every time you walk past your kids playroom? Paper here, toys
there, the floor is strewn with stuff that you can't even guess what it is! Most
of us feel a whole lot better when things are organized. Is it natural to be
neat and tidy or is it a skill that must be learned? We'll let you worry about
that question but we'll give you a few simple ideas on how to make that playroom
fun again.
What should you expect at 6 weeks, 6 months or 1 year? We provide useful
milestones and developmental stages so that you can keep an eye on your
baby's development in the first year. Baby Stages
Ideas For Sharing Stories
With Children
This two-part article discusses the ways in which stories and
storytelling play an important role in children's lives. Techniques are
offered for using stories to help develop children's verbal skills and
imaginations. This is part one.
Who Owns The Problem; Parent or Child?
It is tempting for parents to assume ownership and responsibility for everything that goes on in the life of their child. However, when the parent jumps in too soon to solve the problem or give the answer, the child never learns to trust his own judgment and become a critical thinker.
Parenting - Making A Schedule This article on the benefits of scheduling your day as a parent
really struck home with me. It took me a while to work this out for
myself when I had young children at home, and I wish I had done so - and
benefited from the much calmer household that was the result - sooner!
