Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than
pessimists.
Helping your child look on the bright side is a significant life skill
to develop. When children think that can succeed they are more likely to
give things a try. In other word, if they think THEY CAN, THEY WILL.
Optimists look at the flip side of negative events for some good, some
hope and some reason to be positive. It means having a strong
self-belief and confidence to deal with situations.
Experts in the area of optimism agree that there are five building
blocks of optimism:
1. Having a go and persisting
2. Practising skills
3. Coming to terms with success and failure
4. Planning for the future
5. Having the belief and confidence to try again
Importantly, these building blocks link optimism with competence so when
children experience success they are more likely to believe that they
can achieve and have more success.
Some children are natural optimists. They are born with optimistic
temperaments and have natural dispositions to deal with challenges and
problems. Others expect the worst and tend to see catastrophes where
really small challenges exist.
Recent American research indicates that children learn their optimism
from their experiences of success and through their interactions with
parents, teachers and significant others in the first eight years of
life.
So the way adults talk is significant in the way they shape a child’s
belief about success or failure. The message is clear that adults need
to be aware how they present the world to children as our explanatory
style (the way we explain events) is on show.
Optimists explain adverse events in the following ways:
1. Adverse events tend to be temporary: “It takes time to find a friend”
rather than “No one likes me.”
2. Situations or causes are specific: “I am not so good at soccer”
rather than “I am hopeless at sport.”
3. Blame is rationalised rather than personalised: “I was grounded
because I hurt my sister” rather than “I was grounded because I am a bad
kid.”
Pessimists have a tendency to build mountains out of molehills and give
up before trying. The trouble with pessimism is that it tends to be
self-fulfilling prophecy. “I told you I wouldn’t get a kick in the game.
What was the point of me even turning up?” Such comments just reinforce
pessimism and these feelings of hopelessness lead to helplessness.
To promote optimism in your children try the following four strategies:
1. Model positive thinking and optimism. Let your children hear your
positive self-talk.
2. Challenge your children’s negative or unrealistic appraisals. For
instance, “Everyone hates me. I have no friends” can be challenged with
“Sometimes it feels like we have no friends but you spent all morning
with Melanie yesterday.”
3. Teach your child to positively track. Children should look for the
good things they do and say them to themselves or out loud. They can
look for the good things that happen in life, no matter how small and
say them to themselves or out loud.
4. Teach children to positively reframe. When something unpleasant
happens or failure occurs they can actively look on the bright side.
E.g. “I pranged my bike but at least I came out unhurt” or “That
activity didn’t work but I know what to do next time.”
The beauty about developing optimism is that it becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy, which makes it such a powerful success
strategy.
* * *
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the
author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears
regularly on television, radio and in print.
For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient
teenagers visit
http://www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to
Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat
sibling rivalry.
Article Source:
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