Jason Meridith’s two-year old son whines when he wants more juice.
Brenda Kreuger’s eight-year old daughter whines about having to take
piano lessons. Connie Gustufson’s daughter whines about not getting
enough playing time on the softball team. Each parent finds the whining
annoying, but is unsure what to do about it. In each case, the parent
and the child could be helped by the following guidelines.
Do expect your child to whine. It is age appropriate at two, three,
eight, thirteen, nineteen and every other age in between. Children will
whine. Count on it.
Don’t say, “Stop whining.” That doesn’t work. Children do not like being
ordered around under normal circumstances. When they are whining, they
like it even less. One thing worse than a whiner is a whiner that
engages you in a power struggle.
Do say, “Madison, that is whining. Whining doesn’t work with me. What
works with me is to ask in a normal voice, with normal tone and normal
volume. If you do that, sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you
don’t. But it’s your only hope.”
Don’t be surprised if you are tested. Your child will check you out to
see if you meant what you just said. Show them that you do.
Don’t cave. You may be tested more than once. Once your child realizes
that whining doesn’t work, he will drop the behaviour. A child who
fights, fights because that behaviour works for him. A child who runs
away from fights, runs away because that works for him. A child who
gives excuses, does so because that behaviour works for him. Show your
child that whining doesn’t work with you.
Do announce the living room, kitchen, your bedroom, and the car are
whine free zones. Put up whine free signs if necessary.
Do allow your child to whine. Provide a whining area. Her bedroom will
work well for this purpose. With a legitimate whining area, your child
can continue to whine if she chooses and you don’t have to hear it.
Don’t whine to your spouse about your whining your child. You are always
modelling. Your child learned whining behaviour somewhere. Could it have
been from you?
Do use a whine fine for older children. Assess each whiner $1.00 per
whine. Keep it in a whine jar or whine bottle. Treat yourself to dinner
out or a massage when the whine toll allows.
Do allow children to whine in a whining journal. Inform them that you
will listen to all whining if it is written down.
Do praise your child when she asks in a normal voice, with a normal tone
and normal volume.
Don’t take children to stores, malls or relatives homes beyond their
normal bedtime. You are asking for whining. Whining, both theirs and
yours, increases with tiredness.
Do use preventative communication before you enter whine zones. Have a
talk in the car before you enter the grocery store. Explain the purpose
of the trip. Set the ground rules. Make your expectations clear before
you enter the whine zone and you will experience less whining after you
get in there.
Do inform your child that you are having trouble hearing when she
whines. Tell her she is hard to understand when she chooses that tone.
Tell her whining hurts your ears and they close down for whine
protection.
Do make a copy of this article and carry it around with you. This will
help you stay conscious that whining is a behaviour you have made a
commitment to eliminate.
Don’t get discouraged. Whining is learned behaviour. Learned behaviour
can be unlearned and with consistent use of these strategies, your child
will learn new behaviours to replace it.
Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthy
E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved
worldwide.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost
authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are
the co-authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."
Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years
working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000
participants have attended his lectures.
Thomas Haller is a pre-eminent family and couples therapist. His private
psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for
over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of
parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds
Institute.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents,
teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they
love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's
monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to
http://chickmoorman.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/
Dressing Girls For School
I have spoken to so many parents who tell me it is a monumental task to get
their younger daughters ready for school in the morning. Unless your daughter
has only one set of clothes to wear, she probably wants to change her outfit
three times before choosing the one she will "agree" to wear to school each day.
Here's how we solved the problem in our family...
3 Easy Ways To Make An Awesome Playroom
Are you irritated every time you walk past your kids playroom? Paper here, toys
there, the floor is strewn with stuff that you can't even guess what it is! Most
of us feel a whole lot better when things are organized. Is it natural to be
neat and tidy or is it a skill that must be learned? We'll let you worry about
that question but we'll give you a few simple ideas on how to make that playroom
fun again.
What should you expect at 6 weeks, 6 months or 1 year? We provide useful
milestones and developmental stages so that you can keep an eye on your
baby's development in the first year. Baby Stages
Ideas For Sharing Stories
With Children
This two-part article discusses the ways in which stories and
storytelling play an important role in children's lives. Techniques are
offered for using stories to help develop children's verbal skills and
imaginations. This is part one.
Who Owns The Problem; Parent or Child?
It is tempting for parents to assume ownership and responsibility for everything that goes on in the life of their child. However, when the parent jumps in too soon to solve the problem or give the answer, the child never learns to trust his own judgment and become a critical thinker.
Parenting - Making A Schedule This article on the benefits of scheduling your day as a parent
really struck home with me. It took me a while to work this out for
myself when I had young children at home, and I wish I had done so - and
benefited from the much calmer household that was the result - sooner!
