Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”
“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.
“ …Which bus would I take home?”
My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it's always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
"Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"
"But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
"Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"
What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!
Do fathers always snore?
No - only when they are asleep!
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad - I'm stuck!
What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
Spook when you're spooken to!
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
Son: For £20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!