Editor's note: This excellent article gives us much to
think about as our kids start the new season of sports - well worth a
read!
Playing the Sporting Game
By Chick Moorman
Springtime means Little League, soccer, and other
sports as children head to the out-of-doors to join teams that that help
then have fun, get exercise, and learn to work together with team mates.
But are the results of joining a team always positive? Can’t the
experience be embarrassing, shaming, or unrewarding?
Yes, playing on a team has the potential to be positive or negative, fun
or frustrating, worthwhile or harmful. Parents, concerned about the
effects of athletic programs on their children, need to be cognizant of
several guidelines that will help their child have the best possible
summer athletic experience.
Baseball, softball, soccer, horseback riding, swimming, hockey, or
volleyball—the sport doesn't matter. The guidelines for parents remain
the same. To show support for your child while encouraging and teaching,
consider the following:
1. Find out who will be coaching your child. Has the league run
background checks on the coaches? Sadly, in these times the person you
least expect could be a predator. Trust, but verify. Is the coach an
encourager or a screamer? Does he or she focus primarily on winning or
on participation and teamwork? Does he let everyone play at least half
the game? Does she allow team members to play different positions or are
children pigeonholed into one position for the entire season?
2. Make sure your child is competing at his or her level of ability. Is
she overmounted, riding a horse too hot to handle? Is a travel team over
his head, or appropriately challenging? Are all of your child's team
mates bigger, stronger, and more skilled? It's no fun for children to
compete when their chances of success are slim. Instead of pressuring
them to ride the newest horse or join the travel team, encourage them to
find enjoyment on a level where they can succeed.
3. Learn the rules of the game. Youth rules are not always the same as
professional rules. More knowledge equates to less frustration and less
yelling at officials, players, and coaches.
4. Remember that winning is only one of the goals of competition. Keep
it in perspective. Winning is important. Everyone likes to win. Yet,
playing to one's ability, making a strong effort, exhibiting good
sportsmanship, improving skills, playing within the rules, and learning
to lose with grace are just as valuable as winning. The lessons your
child has the opportunity to learn when he or she doesn't win may be
more valuable than winning that particular game.
5. Respect the other participants. This includes coaches, officials, and
other team members. Cheer for members of the other team when they make a
good play. Applaud the winning swimmer. Praise other athletes in front
of their parents.
6. Hang onto your temper. Model restraint for your young athlete. Yes,
get excited, but channel that excitement into encouragement and
applause. Staying home is an option to consider if you lose control and
occasionally berate officials or disrespect other spectators.
7. Refrain from yelling from the sidelines or stands. Players are too
busy to process and integrate all the advice that people yell at them
from the sidelines, even if it’s sound and might be helpful. Often they
don't even hear you. Check it out. Go out on the field and have a parent
yell at you. See how easy it is to follow their instructions. That
experience will cure you of yelling advice from the sidelines.
8. Get involved. Volunteer. The coach is giving up a lot of time and
energy to coach your child. Help out by organizing post game treats and
carpools and helping out with fundraising. Lend a hand at practice if
you feel qualified and the coach approves.
9. Praise your child for his or her efforts. Stay away from evaluative
praise like "good job," "excellent play," and "tremendous pass."
Instead, give important feedback using descriptive or appreciative
praise. Descriptive praise describes what was accomplished. "You
threaded that pass right between the two defenders," "Your decision to
take the extra base ended up with an important run being scored," and
"Looked like you maintained your concentration after your horse changed
leads on you" are all examples of praise that describes. Appreciative
praise tells the effect the child's behavior had on the team. "Your pass
set him up with the perfect opportunity to score" and "The way you were
encouraging team mates got everyone excited" are examples of
appreciative praise. Descriptive and appreciative praise will leave room
for your child to make the evaluation.
10. Resist the urge to critique your child. Improvement is more likely
in an atmosphere of positive encouragement. Often with positive
intentions, parents inform children of their errors and how they can
improve. This feedback is generally unnecessary, as children are usually
aware of their errors. They don't need parents making a verbal list of
mistakes for them correct. They need you to be there and to allow them
to play and have fun.
11. Compliment the officials. Most officials are volunteers or older
children working for minimal compensation. They’re learning, too. Even
if you think an official made a bad call during the game, you can
comment on his hard work. Say something positive to the officials, and
let your child overhear you.
12. Cheer for other children. Focusing solely on your child sends the
message that you don't care about the team or the event. It tells others
that you’re only there for your child. Compliment players as they are
substituted in and out of the game. Applaud their accomplishments.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments:
Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities
on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free
monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information
about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs,
visit their website today:
http://www.personalpowerpress.com
Inside The Minds Of
School-age Kids
How do we help our kids through tough times in school? I think the
biggest road block is finding out what is going on at school. Oh sure,
they will tell us about the comings and goings of kids and who got in
trouble during casual conversations in the car or at the dinner table.
But how often do they share the things that are worrying them most?
Aren't They All Our Children?
There may be no greater question for our generation. And how we answer that
question will determine the shape of our world for years to come...
Advantages Of Raising A Bilingual
Child
There is no doubt that raising a bilingual child takes a great deal of effort
and commitment from the parents. Is it worth it?
Motivating Your Children To Get Things
Done
If you have children, you know how hard it can be to get them to do the
things they should, and how frustrating. When the kids are distracted, convincing
them to take care of their household chores and other
responsibilities can be a real challenge.
Delightful Musical Activities and
Imaginative Play You Can Enjoy With Your Child
Today's parents are learning more about their child's unique developmental
process, and the shared learning experience that creates a unique bond as the
child associates learning with fun, musical play. Here are some delightful
activities you can do with your child.
How Old is Too Old to
Become a Mother? Britain's Oldest Mum-To-Be is 66.
The papers are full of the news about Elizabeth Munro, due to become the oldest
Mum in Britain at 66. As you might expect, there are opinions left, right and
sideways about whether this is "right." But on what grounds should this woman
and her pregnancy be judged, if at all?
Think You Know How to Handle These 10
Parenting Emergencies? Think Again!
There have been times over the years when I've seriously thought the words
"parenting" and "emergency" were one and the same. You probably have, too, as
kids tend to get into things when you turn your head for just a second. So,
let's look at some common emergency situations and see the wrong and right way
to handle them... Editor's note: I thought I was well-up on emergency
procedures and first aid, but this article has made me think again. Well worth
reading!
