Editor's note: This excellent article gives us much to
think about as our kids start the new season of sports - well worth a
read!
Playing the Sporting Game
By Chick Moorman
Springtime means Little League, soccer, and other
sports as children head to the out-of-doors to join teams that that help
then have fun, get exercise, and learn to work together with team mates.
But are the results of joining a team always positive? Can’t the
experience be embarrassing, shaming, or unrewarding?
Yes, playing on a team has the potential to be positive or negative, fun
or frustrating, worthwhile or harmful. Parents, concerned about the
effects of athletic programs on their children, need to be cognizant of
several guidelines that will help their child have the best possible
summer athletic experience.
Baseball, softball, soccer, horseback riding, swimming, hockey, or
volleyball—the sport doesn't matter. The guidelines for parents remain
the same. To show support for your child while encouraging and teaching,
consider the following:
1. Find out who will be coaching your child. Has the league run
background checks on the coaches? Sadly, in these times the person you
least expect could be a predator. Trust, but verify. Is the coach an
encourager or a screamer? Does he or she focus primarily on winning or
on participation and teamwork? Does he let everyone play at least half
the game? Does she allow team members to play different positions or are
children pigeonholed into one position for the entire season?
2. Make sure your child is competing at his or her level of ability. Is
she overmounted, riding a horse too hot to handle? Is a travel team over
his head, or appropriately challenging? Are all of your child's team
mates bigger, stronger, and more skilled? It's no fun for children to
compete when their chances of success are slim. Instead of pressuring
them to ride the newest horse or join the travel team, encourage them to
find enjoyment on a level where they can succeed.
3. Learn the rules of the game. Youth rules are not always the same as
professional rules. More knowledge equates to less frustration and less
yelling at officials, players, and coaches.
4. Remember that winning is only one of the goals of competition. Keep
it in perspective. Winning is important. Everyone likes to win. Yet,
playing to one's ability, making a strong effort, exhibiting good
sportsmanship, improving skills, playing within the rules, and learning
to lose with grace are just as valuable as winning. The lessons your
child has the opportunity to learn when he or she doesn't win may be
more valuable than winning that particular game.
5. Respect the other participants. This includes coaches, officials, and
other team members. Cheer for members of the other team when they make a
good play. Applaud the winning swimmer. Praise other athletes in front
of their parents.
6. Hang onto your temper. Model restraint for your young athlete. Yes,
get excited, but channel that excitement into encouragement and
applause. Staying home is an option to consider if you lose control and
occasionally berate officials or disrespect other spectators.
7. Refrain from yelling from the sidelines or stands. Players are too
busy to process and integrate all the advice that people yell at them
from the sidelines, even if it’s sound and might be helpful. Often they
don't even hear you. Check it out. Go out on the field and have a parent
yell at you. See how easy it is to follow their instructions. That
experience will cure you of yelling advice from the sidelines.
8. Get involved. Volunteer. The coach is giving up a lot of time and
energy to coach your child. Help out by organizing post game treats and
carpools and helping out with fundraising. Lend a hand at practice if
you feel qualified and the coach approves.
9. Praise your child for his or her efforts. Stay away from evaluative
praise like "good job," "excellent play," and "tremendous pass."
Instead, give important feedback using descriptive or appreciative
praise. Descriptive praise describes what was accomplished. "You
threaded that pass right between the two defenders," "Your decision to
take the extra base ended up with an important run being scored," and
"Looked like you maintained your concentration after your horse changed
leads on you" are all examples of praise that describes. Appreciative
praise tells the effect the child's behavior had on the team. "Your pass
set him up with the perfect opportunity to score" and "The way you were
encouraging team mates got everyone excited" are examples of
appreciative praise. Descriptive and appreciative praise will leave room
for your child to make the evaluation.
10. Resist the urge to critique your child. Improvement is more likely
in an atmosphere of positive encouragement. Often with positive
intentions, parents inform children of their errors and how they can
improve. This feedback is generally unnecessary, as children are usually
aware of their errors. They don't need parents making a verbal list of
mistakes for them correct. They need you to be there and to allow them
to play and have fun.
11. Compliment the officials. Most officials are volunteers or older
children working for minimal compensation. They’re learning, too. Even
if you think an official made a bad call during the game, you can
comment on his hard work. Say something positive to the officials, and
let your child overhear you.
12. Cheer for other children. Focusing solely on your child sends the
message that you don't care about the team or the event. It tells others
that you’re only there for your child. Compliment players as they are
substituted in and out of the game. Applaud their accomplishments.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments:
Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities
on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free
monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information
about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs,
visit their website today:
http://www.personalpowerpress.com
Not a Morning Person? Tips to Make Your Mornings Easier and More Productive
Are mornings the hardest part of your day? Sometimes it's tough to get yourself
going no matter how much sleep you've had. And if you need to get your family
dressed, fed, and out the door with books, backpacks, and briefcases intact, it
can often be a challenging and gruelling morning.
Dealing With Difficult People
If you're human, you're going to be dealing with difficult people from time to
time - whatever your age. You'll find them at work, at home, at school, or even
while out shopping. While you'll likely to solve a problem with a relative or
friend differently than a stranger, there are also some universal ways of
communicating effectively with difficult people. Teachers and parents can learn
these techniques themselves, and start to teach them to kids, too.
Help Your Child Cope With
Moving Away
If you must move a great distance, you can help your child adjust to the idea of
moving and how to cope with their new life. Your goal will be to eliminate
apprehension and fears and get your children excited about all the new
opportunities that await them.
How To Help Your Child
Overcome Anxiety
Sometimes children act as if they don't have a care in the world, and other
times they may be overwhelmed with anxiety. Although children are not presented
with the stresses of adulthood, they do feel anxiety in the same way. Solving
these issues is not something to be taken lightly...
Helping Your Child Adjust
To Divorce
Children are usually hit hard by divorce and may not be able to fully grasp the
subject, blaming themselves. The helpful news is that you can do a lot to get
your child through this tough time.
Frugal Family Entertainment - How to Have Low Cost Family Fun
In the first few months of the year, money can be tight for many families as
they tighten the purse strings after the holidays. There are some great ideas
for family activities which won't break the bank in the article below.
Why You Should
Buy Magazines For Your Children
The modern world has given birth to a technical generation. Kids these days are
practically born with a games machine in their hands. They surf the net before
they can walk and they are glued to the television watching cartoons for hours.
However, there are still things we can do to make sure they have a wider
understanding of the world around them and there are so many magazines on offer
that are suitable for children.
Music Lessons For Your Child - 5
Things To Consider
In deciding on music educational activities for their children, parents need to
consider the age of the child, mode of instruction (group class vs. individual
lesson), and type of music instrument to be studied. Whether the instrument is
rented or owned, it must be of decent quality in order to achieve the desired
results.
A Moment Of Silence Please
Kids could benefit from learning to sit silently and do nothing. This is a skill
most people never develop but we could easily change that by allowing school
kids to sit and contemplate for twenty minutes or so. If they want to pray they
could do that, in their own way and silently, the way it should be done if
you're serious about it. Otherwise, we could give them some elevating thoughts
to ponder.
